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The thought had hit meimmediately, but I felt sure I would never be able to put it into words. Still,if it was ever to be, this was the crucial moment.?I ? I? uh?? I coughed breathlessly and felt my cheeksglow furiously from embarrassment. ?I ? I would? love to? uh? help you? to doit for you??She looked at me. Straightinto my eyes. Phaw, didn?t that woman have nerves at all? I felt herstare like a burning ray scolding my inner soul with its intensity. My instincttold me to get up and run off, but I knew that no matter what, that was thelast thing I would ever want to do. I sat there,looking down, between Ms. Brown?s parted legs, feeling my pulse hammeringnoisily in my head as I awaited the consequences of my words.?Do it to me? How? What do you mean Lois??Her voice was quizzical, at least all up until the last words. My name wasspoken almost in a soundless hiss, as she seemed to catch the drift and getalong with my thoughts.Again I felt completely lame, unable to movea muscle or say. " OK." She hurts, Jackie. She was crying on my shoulder last night because she hurt you." Then why does she keep shoving me away?" It's not that simple. Her body actually hurts if you or any other male gets too close to her. Those few times when she started crying, she told me she was ready to throw up if you hadn't left. Not that she wanted to throw up but that her body would do it because you were so close to her."She doesn't like it, Jackie. She's not doing it because she wants to. It's a survival thing for her. She can see what she's doing and she hates to do it but she can't help it. She wants nothing more than to hug you and let you try to make it better. But right now, she can't." So what am I supposed to do?" Understand her. Don't feel sorry for her. Go ahead and be mad at the beasts who did this to her. Take care of her like you did last night with dinner. But don't take it out on her if she can't be there for you. She tries to be each day. She can't just yet. I'm not saying.
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